So….. flirting.

I recently came across a clip on Buzzfeed about the awkwardness of flirting, and I don’t know about you but I think flirting is just SO AWKWARD.  Some people are really good at. I commend those people.  I envy those people.  I kind of hate those people.  (No I don’t.)

Here are some of my favorite awkward flirting attempts:

1) Trying to be cute

I think usually people are cute when they aren’t trying to be.  So when a person actually tries to be cute, it can go very wrong.  The absolute worst is when people try to be cute by talking in baby voices.  Am I right? I don’t know you, I don’t love you unconditionally yet.  Don’t talk like a baby…. that’s not going to make me attracted to you.  That is going to make me want to spike your drink with benadryl.  There is definitely a way to be cute without being awkwardly cute.

2) Saying you like things more than you do

If I tell you that I have a deep love of musical theater and the reality is you have never seen a show, don’t really want to see a show, and/or think musical theater is stupid, don’t lie.  If you tell me this is something you also love, I will drag you to every live musical within driving distance and I will elbow you really hard if you fall asleep.  If you tell me that this isn’t really something you are interested in, I will bring a friend to the shows instead of you, simple as that.  Perhaps once a year I might drag you, but that means I’ll also pretend to like golf for a day or something.  I am totally guilty of this too.  I am a rare breed who is very artsy but also enjoys watching a lot of sports.  However, learning to play sports…. never going to happen.  So when they tell me “I would love to take you to the tennis court sometime” and I say “sure, that sounds awesome” I am so full of it… and I will regret it later.  Also, I am a pretty bad liar so I have to believe sometimes they can see right through my false excitement.

3) Laughing at everything

Guilty.  Maybe its a nervous thing.  We want so much for them to like us that we pretend EVERYTHING they say is funny.  Well, except on rare occasions, it is so not.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some wonderfully funny people out there.  But do we have to laugh at every word that comes out of their mouth?  Sometimes I think we laugh even when things are not that funny just because we don’t know what to say.  Hmm… maybe I take it back, maybe this avoids the awkward silence.

4) Being touchy

I actually don’t have an issue with being touchy if it means casually touching someone’s hand or holding it while you walk.  But the thing that bothers me is when people can’t take a hint.  If every time you touch your date’s hand, they find a reason to pull it away and use that hand, it means they aren’t okay with it.  Maybe they aren’t into you, or maybe they just are not immediately touchy-feely people.  I am an extremely touchy-feely person but believe me, if you touch my leg and I’m not into it, I will find a very clear way to let you know.  I do think its cute, the reasons we find to touch people on a date.  “Oh your hair is in your face.”  No it’s not, I used half a bottle of hairspray on it so it would not end up in my face. “Haha, you are so funny (insert hand touch or gently shoulder hit).”  Yeah I am, but thank you for showing me both physically and verbally.  I have one I use all the time: “I love your watch, that’s a great watch.”  Silly, but works every time, because obviously I have to take your hand and really examine the watch to prove that it is in fact a GREAT watch.

and my favorite:

5) Finding ways to call attention to yourself

As I write this, I am sitting in the library.  There is a handsome man a few cubicles down from me and I am having both a looking skinny day and a great hair day.  Don’t think I haven’t cleared my throat, giggled under my breath, fluffed my hair, pretended to get a flirty text from someone else, and found 7 reasons to walk by him in the last hour.  I draw the line at looking helpless but for some women, that works great.  I feel like women do this one more than men.  In general, I feel like if men want your attention, they are a little more direct, but feel free to correct me.

Flirting is a lot of work.  So much to think about.  The funny thing is, maybe if we thought less about it, we would come across as cuter, more genuine, more natural people who others notice regardless.  That is a big maybe, but hey, I can hope!

Happy flirting!

Sara

Advertisements

That time I got outsmarted by match.com when I thought I was outsmarting them…

I don’t know about you other online daters, but one thing that I really struggle with is how expensive it is.  Websites like match.com, eharmony, jdate, etc… not cheap.. and they require you to sign up for several months at a time.  OR, they make it much cheaper to sign up for 6 months instead of 3 months and I am TOTALLY one of those people who gets sucked into that; a perfect target.  I know there are some free websites but as of late I have not had a lot of luck on any of them and the creep factor was just too high.

 About a month ago I was struggling with the selection on match.com… it’s a lot of money to pay to get rejected that often.  It is also a lot of money to get hit on by only very strange, creepy, too old for me, too young for me men.  Just as I was feeling like I had wasted my money signing up for 6 months, my credit card was stolen.  I got a call from the company who told me the card had been compromised and I needed to cancel it immediately.  Ugh, I thought.  What a hassle.  But of course I cancelled it and got a new one.  About a week later I got an email from match.com with the subject line “please update your payment information.” HA! How are you going to take my monthly payments I promised if there is no card on file, huh?  So smart, Sara.  I just won’t update the card and I’ll be done with match with no penalties.  How are they going to make me pay? THEY DON’T KNOW MY CREDIT CARD INFORMATION! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Thinking I was oh so clever, I went in and updated my information on the important things like bills that were paid by this credit card and netflix (equal priorities).  I let match.com just sit there, no payments.  Then… they got clever too.  I started receiving emails that “someone” was interested in me.  When I clicked, match directed me to a page that said, “Do you want to know who is interested? Please update your payment information!”  Nice try match…

Then they got smarter.  I started getting emails that said “you have a message waiting.”  Yeah, sure I do.  But they persisted.  The emails began saying “you have a message from soandso.”  Uh oh.  I was starting to crack.  Be strong Sara, they could be lying.  But they probably aren’t lying… that would be like… fraud… right?  What if it is the man of my dreams?  What if he is just sitting in my inbox waiting for me and I am the RUDE person who is not reading his message.  Poor future husband.  I am so sorry.  Please forgive me!

Then they got smarter.  They increased the volume.  I still can’t figure out how they did this.  Did they start featuring my profile so more people would see it?  Did they photoshop my pictures and make me look like a supermodel?  If so, I would like these photos.  Where were all these emails coming from?  I would be just falling asleep and DING, email notification.  I would be at work at my desk and DING…. well RRRRR (vibration noise), email notification.  I would be in the car and my siri would tell me DING EMAIL!  I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

I caved.

I went on match.com and entered the new credit card.  How many months would you like to sign up for?  Well 6 months is only $19.95…. 3 months is $27.95… what to do, what to do.  Obviously I signed up for 6 months… easiest target ever.  And there were all of these smiley faces all over the pricing page.  I am convinced that this somehow contributed to the brainwashing.

I go into my inbox all excited.  

Not one good prospect.  None.  Nada.  Nil.  I was sad.

Well played match.com, well played.

Love to all my readers and thank you for your patience while there was a break in postings!

Sara