I recently came across a clip on Buzzfeed about the awkwardness of flirting, and I don’t know about you but I think flirting is just SO AWKWARD. Some people are really good at. I commend those people. I envy those people. I kind of hate those people. (No I don’t.)
Here are some of my favorite awkward flirting attempts:
1) Trying to be cute
I think usually people are cute when they aren’t trying to be. So when a person actually tries to be cute, it can go very wrong. The absolute worst is when people try to be cute by talking in baby voices. Am I right? I don’t know you, I don’t love you unconditionally yet. Don’t talk like a baby…. that’s not going to make me attracted to you. That is going to make me want to spike your drink with benadryl. There is definitely a way to be cute without being awkwardly cute.
2) Saying you like things more than you do
If I tell you that I have a deep love of musical theater and the reality is you have never seen a show, don’t really want to see a show, and/or think musical theater is stupid, don’t lie. If you tell me this is something you also love, I will drag you to every live musical within driving distance and I will elbow you really hard if you fall asleep. If you tell me that this isn’t really something you are interested in, I will bring a friend to the shows instead of you, simple as that. Perhaps once a year I might drag you, but that means I’ll also pretend to like golf for a day or something. I am totally guilty of this too. I am a rare breed who is very artsy but also enjoys watching a lot of sports. However, learning to play sports…. never going to happen. So when they tell me “I would love to take you to the tennis court sometime” and I say “sure, that sounds awesome” I am so full of it… and I will regret it later. Also, I am a pretty bad liar so I have to believe sometimes they can see right through my false excitement.
3) Laughing at everything
Guilty. Maybe its a nervous thing. We want so much for them to like us that we pretend EVERYTHING they say is funny. Well, except on rare occasions, it is so not. Don’t get me wrong, there are some wonderfully funny people out there. But do we have to laugh at every word that comes out of their mouth? Sometimes I think we laugh even when things are not that funny just because we don’t know what to say. Hmm… maybe I take it back, maybe this avoids the awkward silence.
4) Being touchy
I actually don’t have an issue with being touchy if it means casually touching someone’s hand or holding it while you walk. But the thing that bothers me is when people can’t take a hint. If every time you touch your date’s hand, they find a reason to pull it away and use that hand, it means they aren’t okay with it. Maybe they aren’t into you, or maybe they just are not immediately touchy-feely people. I am an extremely touchy-feely person but believe me, if you touch my leg and I’m not into it, I will find a very clear way to let you know. I do think its cute, the reasons we find to touch people on a date. “Oh your hair is in your face.” No it’s not, I used half a bottle of hairspray on it so it would not end up in my face. “Haha, you are so funny (insert hand touch or gently shoulder hit).” Yeah I am, but thank you for showing me both physically and verbally. I have one I use all the time: “I love your watch, that’s a great watch.” Silly, but works every time, because obviously I have to take your hand and really examine the watch to prove that it is in fact a GREAT watch.
and my favorite:
5) Finding ways to call attention to yourself
As I write this, I am sitting in the library. There is a handsome man a few cubicles down from me and I am having both a looking skinny day and a great hair day. Don’t think I haven’t cleared my throat, giggled under my breath, fluffed my hair, pretended to get a flirty text from someone else, and found 7 reasons to walk by him in the last hour. I draw the line at looking helpless but for some women, that works great. I feel like women do this one more than men. In general, I feel like if men want your attention, they are a little more direct, but feel free to correct me.
Flirting is a lot of work. So much to think about. The funny thing is, maybe if we thought less about it, we would come across as cuter, more genuine, more natural people who others notice regardless. That is a big maybe, but hey, I can hope!