For years people have been telling me…. you have to write about this. The “this” they are referring to would be the dreaded DATING. Honestly, I thought that the trials and tribulations of my love life were unique; that what I was going through over and over and over again was so crazy that no one else would believe it. Turns out, there is a whole lot of crazy out there… and I have only dated, like, half of it.
I spend many nights wondering why I am 30 and single. I am told that I am a reasonably good looking person with a good heart. I make people laugh, I make people cry (oops), I am a loyal friend, passionate, adventurous, curious and when I love, it’s with my whole heart. It is very easy to feel sorry for yourself in a world full of rejection. But then I have to face the fact that I too reject. I’d like to think that I only reject the truly crazy–like should be locked up crazy– but the reality is that my standards are high, just like everyone else’s.
About four and a half years ago I went through a bad break up… the worst break up yet (but I’m only 30 so give it time). After that break up my best friend’s husband said something to me that he again repeated to me a few weeks ago. “I fear that one day you will settle for a loser because you think too low of yourself.” At the time of the breakup, maybe I would have. Maybe I was afraid to be alone after being with someone for so long. I think at this point in my life I know the answer is not to settle, but that means having standards… that means I have to reject too.
So does that make me a hypocrite? To shout from the rooftops that I am READY FOR LOVE and WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP and then turn around and reject men who are genuinely interested in me. To complain about how awful and hard dating is and how judgmental men can be… and then turn around and judge them right back… I don’t know, maybe.
I have a million questions and few answers, but I am more than happy to share my experiences in this crazy world of dating (and I mean CRAZY) and maybe someday, the answers will come.
Happy Friday everyone.